Wednesday, October 19, 2016

What men want

So, I have been having conversations with a women and we have been exchanging, for lack of a better term, "tips and tricks" on what the opposite sex wants.  And this isn't just about sex, it's about everything.  Everyone knows that I have more women friends than men, so I consider myself quite lucky that I get to have conversations like this with them.  And hopefully it's made me a better man.  So, in no particular order, are things that a man, at least this man, wants from a woman.

Defend me.  When confrontations arise in my life, take my side and defend me from those who wish to do me harm.  You may not know all the details or the circumstances, but when it comes to a fight I need you on my side regardless.  Having someone on my side that I can always trust, no matter what may come, is something I've never had in a relationship other than Jeremy and I long for that in a woman I love.

Wear sundresses.  I love the long lines of a lady in a sundress.  mmmm  It doesn't matter if you think you're short, or if you're a tall woman, a lady in a sundress is something I always love to see.  I believe that in clothing, it's not always what you see, but what you don't see.  Seeing the shape of your body without seeing the part itself drives me crazy.  I can't explain it, but there should be a word in the English language for it.

Speak your mind.  I love intelligent, strong women.  You wouldn't be in my life if you weren't. Tell me what you think and be honest.  Don't hold back.  I won't take it badly, I will be glad that you were honest with me and not afraid of me.

Don't ask me about my back so much.  It hurts, all the time day or night.  I really don't like being reminded of it.  I appreciate that you care enough to ask how I feel but asking about it only reminds me that I am inferior in some ways.  Give me shelter and a refuge from the pain, that's what I need when it comes to my spine.

Let me protect you.  This man was made to protect the women in his life that he loves.  I don't open doors, send flowers and hold your hand because someone told me to do that.  It's my nature, it's the way I'm wired.  I want to be there for you physically and emotionally.  I want to walk on the outside of the sidewalk so if a car hits us from the street I can push you away.  It's my nature, just as your nature is to protect your child, my nature is to protect you.  If someone or something comes in our house to hurt us I will kill it without a second thought.  You are safe with me.

Don't wear a lot of makeup.  I like a woman who looks natural.  A little eyeliner or base, not too much.  I don't know why but this is what I prefer.  You don't have to impress me, I love you as you are and that's what I love to see.

Must love dogs.

Hold my head in your lap, pet my hair and tell me that everything will be alright.  This may be my number one thing.  I need to feel safe sometimes too.  I need to know that you're on my side and that we can tackle whatever comes together and you really believe that.  All my life I've searched for a lady who can make me feel safe at this level...  I need to know that what we have made together is more important to you than yourself.  Do this and I will never leave your side.

Don't be ashamed of your body when it comes to sex.  Sex is sharing your soul with another person.  I will not have sex with a woman that I don't love, and this is the reason.  I consider your body elegant and beautiful, so should you.  When I was 20 I was attracted to 20 year olds.  When I was 40 I was attracted to 40 year olds.  So believe me when I tell you, I am attracted to you.  Don't be afraid to share your entire self with me.  The best sex you will ever have isn't some wild swinging from the ceiling tirade, it's the love made by two people who love each other more than they love themselves.  And you can't have that when you're worried about how your boobs may look to me.  Great sex happens between the ears, not between the legs.

Accept me.  Lots of people have a strong desire to "fix" people.  I don't want to be fixed and I don't want you to try.  I like who I am, I really do.  I know I'm not perfect and I work on those things but overall I think I'm a great person.  I don't mind advice or tips, I love to learn.  But don't come to me and say that I need to do this or that.  That's been tried before and it didn't end well.

Kiss.  And kiss softly.  Share the same breath.  Touch my face with your hands.  Press your forehead to mine softly and exhale, eyes closed.  Hold my body close to yours.  Everyday.  Kissing to me is a lot like sex.  It's sharing myself with you.  I love to kiss and I've tried very hard all my life to become descent at it, as it were.  Kissing isn't about the tongue or the lips, its a form of me sharing my essence with you.  It's more than just an act, much more.  If you like or dislike how I kiss then tell me, let's make it better.  I want to share all of me with you.

Touch me as much as you can.  Hold my hand.  Cuddle on the couch.  Always sit next to me and not across with me.  Physical contact is a means of affection and reassurance to me that you love me.  It's not sexual, its a reassurance to me that you want to be near me.

So, those are a few of the things this man wants from a woman.  Everyone is different and my needs have been shaped by my own particular life experiences.  I think it's important to learn exactly what your partner wants, i.e. needs, from you.  Only then can you experience a pure love with complete trust.  That's what I really want.  LL

Sunday, June 5, 2016

July 1995

There are moments in life that you never forget.  Moments that you relive time and time again.  To feel that feeling, to taste that kiss, to hold your child for the first time.  I believe I'm luckier than most, I have a substantial set of those "so real" moments that I bring back to life every once in a while.  My very first memory that is detailed and not something I think I remember or from a picture is of my father and I putting together a new swing set in the back yard.  I specifically remember him putting the little rubber covers over that ends of the bolts so I wouldn't injure myself on them.  It was my fourth birthday.  Those are the kinds of moments I'm talking about, those memories that are more valuable than admiration or wealth, the memories you always want to hold on dearly to.

It's July 1995. I'm 24 years old, I have a great job and much more hair than I do now.  I live in a decent apartment in a tiny seaside town, but for the last week I have been in Durango, Colorado.  I spent the July 4 holiday with my mother's family at my grandparents cabin in the mountains.  And when I say in the mountains I mean up in the mountains.  It's miles and miles down winding dirt roads back to anything I'd call civilization. Water is brought in by truck into a large holding tank and the only power is provided by solar or generator.  It's a big beautiful log cabin with the second story having a glass A frame facing east that the sun blares into to wake you each morn.  The air is thin and it's just below the tree line.  I was a runner then and I ran on July 4, only covering half the normal distance before the thin air got me.  It sleeted on me as I ran in shorts, I still have the pictures.  It's a place full of wonders.

So there I am coming off this wonderful vacation.  I took a hopper from Durango to Denver and I've just gotten onto a 737 bound for New Orleans.  Now I love to fly, really love it.  My first career choice was to be a pilot but I had not the eyes nor the grades for that. I'm in the tail, so I'm going to live, and I have a window seat.  We just took off and the Gs are shoving me down into the seat, I'm in heaven.  I slip on the in flight headphones and turn on the music just as I look out the window to my left at the runway disappearing as we circle back toward my home state. I see it as clear this very moment as I saw it that day. The stripes on the runway, the profile of the mountains behind the airport.  The music was apparently set to country and that's alright with me so I'm good.  Over the headphones comes a song about a woman going by plane to see a man who is just a friend and he's completely swept up in love with her.  In that moment, with the music, the butterflies in my stomach from the takeoff, the music, the plane, the man and the that moment my life came together at this great and fantastic intersection.  I realized I was in love with her.  Her that consumes my mind and brightens my eyes.  Her that sits with me daily drinking awful beer and sharing her brilliant mind.  Her with the doe eyes.  The one that runs with me and rides with me.  The one that's the very best part of my day.  I was in love with her,  I was in love... with my friend.  

I would be seeing her by nightfall, by plane, just as in the song.

I know what you're thinking, tell me about her and what happened.  Ah my dear friend this isn't about  a her or an us, this is about a moment.  A very special memory.  "That's so Lloyd Lambert" she's saying right about now.  That song is renamed to her first name on my iTunes, anytime I hear it I smile when I see her name.  And I'm right back in that seat in Denver.  I can see the white shirt I'm wearing with the blue collar.  I can see the jeans and the tan Eastland shoes I'm wearing.  The carpet was blue.  That's how real that moment is to me.  I feel that same feeling again.  That's a great memory...